Find your why

I've been struggling with something lately. It's a project I've had in my head for a while that's refusing to be birthed. I thought perhaps it's that the gestation period had not been long enough, but I know from experience that if an idea is solid in my mind I can get it out in an afternoon. Maybe it was me that wasn't ready to put myself out there. But the first release would be to a trusted circle of friends who's feedback I was eager to get.

No, it was something else. Something I couldn't put my finger on.

After weeks of being frustrated beyond belief I decided that there was no use forcing the issue, I had to let this block dissolve when it was ready. I just had to trust that whatever was holding this project back come in it's own time. It just so happened that my decision to give up the mental fight coincided with the Easter weekend and as I closed my front door I consciously left my spinning mind at home.

The power of distraction. It took just one day of being away for the 'why' of the block to rear it's head. So what was it?

Ironically, it was the WHY itself. I don't have clarity in myself as to the WHY of my project.

WHY am I compelled to create it? 
WHY do I believe in it?

WHY will it make a difference to people?

It's that simple. I have to work out the why, without which my project will not see daylight. The why is the emotion behind the idea, it's the power that will compel the idea forward.

Why is so important to discover your why?

Simon Sinek puts this into a simple circle diagram.

The WHAT is your idea. It's your offering, what you're bringing to the table. The HOW is the execution of this idea. But it's the WHY that's most important. The WHY is the how your offering will make people feel. People's WHY is deeply personal, tied into a core belief. People connect with the passion and the feeling the product/company gives them. They don't just connect the product itself.

So how do you find the why?

It can be difficult to articulate our WHY as to do so we need to connect deep down with our feelings, but there are a couple of techniques you can try.

1. Think about all the things you love to do. The things what make you lose the sense of time. The things you could do all day if you were given the chance. What are the things you used to love doing as a child? What do all these things have in common? What is the motivation behind doing these things?
2. Think about the people who you love, and who love you. Ask these people "Why are you friends with me? What is it about me that you love? What makes me special to you? What's my 'sweet spot'".

Your why is what value you offer to the world, and what people value about you.

I love the way people feel when they are seen, really seen, and heard by another human being. I love the smile they get on their face when they realise that someone has got them, understands them, accepts them for who they are and actually celebrates them.

I love that. It makes me gooey inside.

So that's my why. What's yours?

Image source  1  |  2

How to calm a messy mind

Four whole weeks. Where did it go? When I looked back at my last posting date I couldn't believe it. In that post I made a commitment to actually scheduling my first Illumination Project workshop. So did it happen? No. Why?

It's simple really. Lack of clarity, lack of focus and a very messy mind. Too much buzzing going on upstairs. Boy it's frustrating. All I want to do is give birth to an idea that planted it's seed, but I end up struggling with the enormity of the task and in a total spin. In addition, I'm not just working on one idea - throw a few projects into the mix and my mind's bubbling like a stew that you could stand your spoon up in. I'd love to see a snapshot of what my neurons have been up to over the past four weeks.

Does this sound familiar? I bet it does.

The great news is all is not lost. While we can't force our ideas to birth themselves calmly, we can do something that can help bring calm to the calamity on a daily basis.

My friend Miranti recently wrote how creating space in your life, just stopping really, can give much needed room for ideas to grow in their own time. Another technique I find works well is to just get it all out on paper as a big dump - write down every single one of your ideas and to-dos into a notebook. Don't worry about the order or the grouping, the important thing here is to get it all out of your head.

But today I'd like to talk about a third method. Yes, I'm going to spill beans on meditation and me. I hear you sigh heavily and say it's impossible to 'shut off your thoughts', but please bare with me a little further.

Before sharing this story I want to say three things:

1. Meditation is not about shutting off your thoughts (I think that's impossible, for me it is anyway)
2. It takes practice
3. It works

Without knowing it, I started my foray into meditation-type practices way way back when I was in my first year at university. Dr. Brian Thomson (Swami Vivekananda Saraswati to those that know him well), a visionary Australian psychiatrist was doing some teaching at the University of Newcastle on yogic techniques for treating mental illness. In his lunch hour he would run Yoga Nidra sessions for students. I can't say I was particularly stressed back then, but I did find the sessions amazing in bringing me back to my body and calming my mind. I still use his practices to this day.

Skip forward to 2011 - my year from hell. Stress now fueled my life. I was doing a marathon of sorts everyday with fulltime job, part-time study and running a freelance design business. I wasn't sleeping right, I couldn't focus. My brain was always on the buzz. A friend of mine suggested I try meditation. 'Are you kidding? I haven't got time for that!' But very soon afterwards a meditation course came my way, and in need of something, I went.

It was awful. For four hours I fidgeted and wriggled. I went into battle with the million thoughts and kept ruminating on all the things I had to do when I got home. It felt like a total waste of time. I couldn't 'do it', stop the thoughts. But the problem was not that I couldn't do it, it was I didn't 'get it'. It's not about stopping the thoughts, it's about just noticing them without engaging with them. And when I got that meditation and I became very, very good friends.

It wasn't until the middle of 2012 that I managed to bring meditation into my daily life. After dinner, before I'm about to start work on a project I sit down and do just 10 minutes. I only do more when I can. But 10 minutes is enough to reap the benefits.

So what does it do for me exactly?

• It CALMS the chaos. Not stopping it completely, but it's like the dust settling after a storm. I get clarity and perspective.
• I feel more present. If I'm feeling chaotic I am not usually in the present. I'm in the past 'if only' and the future 'I must'. I'm not focused on what's happening right now. After just ten minutes I'm far more aware the space around me, the breeze, but most importantly how I'm feeling. I notice if I'm tired, or energized, upset or particularly happy. Im less and less on autopilot.
• I feel relaxed and slow down. I find after mediation I'm more deliberate in my actions and less inclined to do the crazy multitasking. I can concentrate on one thing and see it through.

The organisation Get Some Head Space do a great little animated video that beautifully explains what meditation is and isn't.

The other interesting things about meditation is that I find it has a cumulative effect. The more regularly I meditate, the longer the benefits of a session last. It's affecting so many areas of my life in a positive way.

If you're interested in giving meditation a go, I recommend the following places to start:

• Get Some Headspace take 10 program. Ten minutes of meditation for ten days. I mention them again, but Andy Puddicombe, a former Buddhist monk turned east London hipster, is said to have done for meditation what Jamie Oliver did for food. I love his approach and his meditations. This is a great place to start.
• Kate James from Total Balance, a Melbourne based coach and meditation expert, has been teaching mediation for years. I use a number of her guided meditations regularly. She is currently revamping her site but assures me she will be making her meditations available via iTunes soon. She also does wonderful classes and retreats.
• Deepak Chopra and Oprah's 21 day meditation challenge. Sounds corny but it's actually a great program. You get a meditation delivered to your inbox daily for free for 21 days. They're about 15 mins each in length - not too much to bite off. It's good if you want something to get you to the habit.
• There's also a wealth of meditations on youtube, but you'll need to take time to try some out to find the ones you like.

Have you tried mediation? Did you struggle with it? Do you find it provides benefits? Please share your experiences and if you have any links to resources that you like, please post those too.

Image source  1  |  2

In need of illumination?

Hello friends. I hope wherever you are you are well and happy and enjoying a weekend. I’m just home from Melbourne after the most amazing week doing some deep soul searching with a sensational group of people at the School of Life Summer School Intensive. If you don’t know about the School I highly recommend you check out the website, or visit the Bloomsbury hub if you’re ever in London. I’ll promise to write all about my week when I’ve had the time to digest all I learned.

You may have noticed I’ve been rather quiet of late. I haven’t broken my arm or abandoned my writing, but been holed away stirring the pot on a project that’s been on my mind for such a long time. In the last couple of months snippets of ideas, thoughts, observations and discussions that have been tangled up in my head (sending me a bit crazy) have finally started to unravel and morph before my very eyes. I can’t tell you how excited I am.

For years I’ve dreamed of bringing together two passions, creativity and helping people, into a project of some kind. Looking for answers I paralleled a career in design and user experience with degrees in Art Therapy and Psychology, but on completion was feeling even more lost for a way I could bring these two diverse fields together. For months I stewed and wriggled uncomfortably in a fog. I impatiently watched, waited and listened. Finally, by letting the overthinking go, ever so slowly an idea appeared.

“… I feel empty inside”
“… after 15 years of marriage, I don't know who I am”
“… with my last child going to school, I just don’t know what to do”

I feel empty inside. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what to do. Over the course of time I’ve heard these and other similar words so many times from so many people. I’ve observed it in faces and in interactions. Every time I just want to reach out and hug the person and help them uncover the beauty and richness they have inside of them. If only that were possible.

Of course it is, and it's exactly what I plan to spend the next few months putting my heart into. I’ve developed a new program that will help people illuminate the darkness within, to uncover the riches that have been buried by the grinds of daily living and pushed down by internal and external pressures. The program aims to surprise and delight in the rediscovery process, to enable people to embrace their true selves and to couragously open the doors and let their light shine into the world.

The Illumination Project is born. I am excited beyond words.

So what does this mean? Over the coming weeks and months I’ll be releasing some more details about the program which will first up take the form of in-person half-day workshops. The activities I’m planning will be playful and fun, with opportunity to both reflect and create. I’m running my first workshop in Sydney just after Easter, and based on the outcome I’ll be scheduling more in Autumn. If all goes well, I’ll be taking these workshops to Melbourne and then possibly online. Weeeeee!

Doesn’t this sound like a magical thing to do?

Get ready to be illuminated.

Pen and peplum and me

Did I mention that the delightful Miranti over at Pen & Peplum interviewed me about work, life and workspaces? Take a peek here...

Treat yourself like you would treat a friend

This week I had one of those days. We've all had them - a day you're pulled in a thousand directions but never quite reach any of them. A day when you feel misunderstood. A day where you feel leaned upon a little too heavily, like every request is just one too many.

A point of bucket overflow. You've nothing more to give.

I realise it's my tendency to drive at full throttle, pacing through life at a rate of knots as the 'can do' person. It's a lifelong habit I'm working to undo, but in the meantime...

Sometimes it all becomes a bit too much.

And what do I do? I beat myself up for not being able to do it all. I treat the very being and body that's pushed on silently without complaining like I don't matter. I tell myself I'll tend to my needs later, they're not important. As long as everyone else's are looked after I'm ok.

But I'm not.

And this past Monday I realised that I wasn't. But rather than talking down myself and soldiering on, ignoring my internal whimpering, I did what I've set out to do this year.

I treated myself like a friend. Not a slave worker, but as someone who needed to be respected and nurtured. Believe me, this is a big shift.

I asked myself, what would I do for P if he rang me all messed up and worn down? Would I tell him to pull himself together and get back to work, and make sure he kept slogging til the wee hours of the morning because hey, sleep is for wimps. Would I tell him his health doesn't matter and dining on something fast and furiously unnourishing is exactly what he should do. Would I tell him his own personal desires come second to those of others, that his dreams are just that: dreams?

If I did I'd be dropped as a friend like a flash of lightening.

So I decided I'd treat myself the way I would treat any my friends. I ran myself a bath, drank tea, watched something on TV that made me laugh until I cried. I chatted long-distance on Skype and smiled stupidly at pictures of Tuna the wonder dog. I went to bed early.

By the time Tuesday morning dawned I was a new woman, and a night of nurturing had given me something more than the time out I so desperately needed: it gave me perspective. So my work wasn't completed; in time it would get done. Or not. There's always more work. But reality is if I'm not at my best, I can't do my best.

So dear people, take my lesson to heart. Please be as kind to yourself as you would be to your nearest and dearest. Treat yourself like you are your own best friend. It will make such a difference not only to you, but those people around you who can only but benefit from your renewed zest.

// KINDling list: It's a great idea to create a list of the things that perk you up when you're batteries are getting a bit low. Download and write your top 5 kindlings onto this card, cut it out and put it in your purse for when you might need a gentle reminder.

Build blocks to make time

Do you have a project or venture in your head that you've been trying to find time to get off the ground?

Does it seem so enormous that you're blinded as to where to start, and you find you're doing anything to avoid spending time working on it?

Do you fear that in devoting time to this project other important things in your life will have to give?

Dear readers, if this sounds like you I know exactly how you're feeling. You've got some kind of vision, you just can't seem to get further than that. You feel overcome by all that's involved.

I've had a project that's been sitting on the slowest simmer for months now. I find all the excuses in the world not to tackle it - 'it won't be perfect, people won't like it, I don't have time' and so on. In addition to making time to nurture this venture, I'm finding it hard to break it down into nice little chunks. Ironically, helping people break down complex problems is one of the things I do for a living. But hey, teaching others how to 'make things better' seems far easier than putting it into practice ourselves.

This week I met with my mentor and fully spilled the beans on my idea. She listened intently, and then said something that had been once said to her:

You have a huge gift that will be of service to the world. Stop making it about you. Get on with it.

There it was. The truth. I'm preventing myself making a difference to other peoples lives by holding myself back with my own insecurities. We all have something to give, yet it's only us that stops us from giving.

So I decided there and then I had to get over myself and make a start. This project isn't going to manifest by itself. This week I have committed to spending 10 hours working on moving my project forward.

Ten hours I hear you say? Woah, that's alot. On top of a full-time job and all the other things that need to get done. I thought so too, until I broke it down.

What I did was divide the ten hours into manageable time chunks and visually map them out - small squares for 10 minutes, large squares for 60 minutes. After sticking this chart in my working journal all I had to do is cross off the chunks of time as I'd done them. I'm writing against the squares what I achieved towards my project in that time block.

And you know what? It's working. I'm actually making tracks. When I'm feeling fearful and blocked I take a ten minute chunk and do something small. When I'm inspired I will work for the sixty minutes then take a break.

What about those breaks? I hear you whisper. I still need time out from this plan of mine. The great thing is this technique works for planning breaks too, actually it's good for anything where you would like to dedicate time. I've created a note in my book a chart of nice things I want to do for myself as breaks over the weekend. This way when I'm looking for some downtime, I just choose something from my chart. It could also work for jobs around the house, dinner party plans, really the applications are endless.

What strategies do you have for dedicating time to things you're finding difficulty moving on? If you're feeling stuck and decide give this method a go, I'd love to hear how you get on.

New year wishes

Well folks, we are almost at the end of January and I'm wondering if you've all been busy devising new year resolutions. Or maybe you've finished them and are well on you way to that desired flat stomach?

I myself am not. Usually by this time in January I'm full of great new intentions and have probably managed to not break all of them yet. But this year I feel different. The idea of resolutions feels like too much pressure and I just can't seem to get any down.

I had dinner with a couple of friends on the weekend and brought up my quandary. After discussing it a while very wise friend number one said "the problem is that you think resolutions are boring. It's the way you're expressing them - you're not engaging with them". He was so right. My resolutions felt like work, not fun. I mean, "have X done by X date". Who's busting to get their teeth sunk into that?

But there is also a deeper problem which stems from a phobia of commitment. I feel if I put something down I need to commit it. Rather than put pen to paper and risk being stuck with a dud resolution, I delay doing them at all. Enter friend number two. "Why don't you instead call them New Year Wishes, and just make them dreams you have for the coming year?"

I loved it, and putting the two ideas together I came up with my new year wish board. First I brainstormed on micro sticky notes my wishes making them loose and whimsical, like 'Refriend my abs". Suddenly, I was having fun with it. Next, I made a chart and arranged all my wishes, sticking it above my desk to admire and reinforce while I'm working.

I feel so much happier more engaged with my 'resolutions' than I had if they'd been the straight forward list I've made in previous years. I suppose it's an expression in what I'm wanting in my life right now: a bit of cheekiness, fun, a whole lot of colour, and to experiment loosely with my dreams.

It turned out to be such a lovely exercise I wanted to share it with you all. You can create your own wish board by downloading the 2013 wish board template, printing it out and decorating it with your hearts desire. I'd love to see your results :-)