Sunday, January 22, 2012

I am enough

(SMLC 03 - Mission statement)

I had an interaction this week that pushed all my buttons, and not the buttons of the sugary kind that put a smile on your face, make you laugh and glow from the inside out. These are the opposite kind, the 'lift going down' buttons that leave you miserable, drowning in feelings of self doubt, shame, and the thought that I'm just not good enough.

This interaction had me quite upset for days afterwards. I felt ugly, small and inferior. It affected my mood and therefore my interactions with others. And the worst thing is that this is not the first time it has happened, it's been going on for years it will keep happening until I can do something about it. Avoiding such interactions is only a temporary fix, this is not a person I can avoid forever. Besides, I'm not the kind of person to just ignore a problem and hope it goes away.

I vowed this year that these interactions would be different, yet the first time we meet in the New Year it was worse than ever. I am struck by how much this person affects me, yet I know there are many levels to the feelings that arise in me when we meet.

The truth is, these interactions bring to the surface feelings I have battled much of my adult life: I'm not pretty enough, thin enough, successful enough, creative enough, smart enough, funny enough, stylish enough. I'm not loveable enough. Ultimately - I'm not enough.

After a couple of days of wallowing the psychologist in me appeared and asked "Karina, where's the evidence for this?"

The truth? There is none. My good friend Phillip reminded me it is impossible to measure ourselves against others. It's only we who make those judgements, assessments which have no baseline, no bell-curve. We are not comparable. We all individuals, beautiful and talented in our own way.

So the task of creating a mission statement could not have come at a better time. Here is what I will do:

When I feel small, I will stand tall.
When I feel ugly, I will smile.
When I feel unloveable, I will give love.
When I feel unsuccessful, I will remember that success is not material, it is personal and spiritual.

I will strive to help and inspire.
I will continue to grow and learn.
I will be curious and playful.
I will explore who I am and not be afraid to express my true self.

I will be me.

I am enough.

8 comments:

  1. I will be me. I am enough. Such powerful words. What a great mantra. I might steal this and put it on my bathroom mirror. I'm sorry you had those awful few days where you DIDN'T feel enough. We have all done it, not been the person we know we are and can be. Try not to beat yourself up too much, dust yourself off and forgive yourself, because you are worth that.

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  2. I love this post and I thank you for sharing it. I have felt so many of the things you described at the hands of those that I had hoped would not be so unkind, loved ones that I cannot remove from my life but that I need to learn to 'manage' better. So my sincerest thanks for this empowering and inspiring post.

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  3. This is a fantastic mission statement. Well done.

    You are enough. I hope that this year {and beyond} you will see this more often than not.

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  4. Thank you for sharing so fully and openly - beautiful post in that you found the words to build yourself back up. I love that you have made it practical for yourself - instead of wallowing further you have given yourself words of affirmation and positivity. and hon - YOU ARE ENOUGH. God if only i could wave a magic wand and give that gift to every woman i meet - you are enough exactly as you are - you have your wonderful gifts to share and what makes you unique is your greatest gift of all! xxx

    deb @ home life simplified

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  5. i HATE the 'not enough' thought invaders.. they are totally horrible creatures. I am so glad, so glad you wrote this, I could identify with all of it - the mission statement you came up with is so powerful and inspiring. Honestly beautiful - and your friend is right... we need to stop comparing our insides to other peoples outsides x

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